⛷️The Pursuit of Happier-ness

“What is everyone’s...” Pothole! My thought was interrupted as I swerved to avoid another large ditch in the road, not uncommon in the Costa Rican jungle.

I tried again, “What is everyone’s condition for happiness today?”

It was day three of spring break, and I was looking to be intentional about making the day successful for everyone involved.

A lone response from the back: “Monty, my happiness is unconditional.”

As much as I didn’t want to agree with it, he was correct. I had taken this beautiful moment and overcomplicated it. And unfortunately I don’t think I’m alone in that.

I’ve found that people commonly make three errors when it comes to happiness.

1. Contracting your own Unhappiness

“Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” — Naval Ravikant

Despite being surrounded by friends in a foreign country, driving through a jungle, my instinct was to negotiate terms with the moment. Ironically, the happiest moments tend to come not from rigorous thought but from an absence of it. The instinct to optimize, to pursue happiness as a destination, is itself the problem. I sat in on a talk from so-called Happiness Professor Dr. Arthur C. Brooks, who made the point that "the pursuit of happiness" as an end goal is itself what makes us unhappy. The goal is not happiness but what he calls "happier-ness." Not a destination, but a direction.

2. Ruminating on the Past

Marc Andreessen recently went viral for saying he is against introspection and that the concept of “the self” is an Enlightenment-era invention that often does more harm than good. In his view, introspection is energy that should be spent taking action.

He raises a good point. We all want to be happy and productive, but if you invert the question and figure out how to be unhappy and unproductive, the answer is simple: think too much about bad things that you can’t change, a topic introspection frequently skirts.

Every other combination is better. Good things you can't change…Gratitude. Bad things you can change…Motivation. Good things you can change…Opportunity. The only losing quadrant is the one where you stare at what went wrong and have no ability to alter it.

3. Believing Your Own Unhappiness

Kobe Bryant once talked about the value of putting all of your eggs in one basket. Someone asked, “What happens if it doesn’t work?” He responded, “You find more eggs.”

It’s often more comfortable to be unhappy. If it's someone else's fault, or the economy's fault, or your circumstances' fault, then it’s not your responsibility.

What if happiness was your responsibility? Would life be better or worse?

What if we had the courage to imagine things going right? What if we stopped signing contracts with ourselves that we wouldn’t sign with someone else? What if we focused on building a happier future instead of reliving the past? Well…I guess we’d have to become happier.

And, well, if that doesn’t work, I guess we’ll have to find more eggs.